DYING FOR SEX, EPISODE 8 “IT’S NOT THAT SERIOUS:” Letting in Love Changes Molly (& Everyone Else)

Sexual abuse is serious. A rift with your mom is too, in Dying for Sex, Episode 8. But “It’s Not That Serious” when you can let in more love and finally embrace what you want. That’s what Molly does when she admits she needs her mom and is brave enough to find her own way to dying. Gail has had her problems as a mom, but she’s there, waiting, in the hospital lobby, in case Molly calls. It’s a sad time in Dying for Sex, Episode 8. Molly is in hospice now, and it’s close to the end. Yet, not being alone with it all, whether you’re Molly, Nikki, or Gail, is one more step toward healing. And, this kind of not being alone is knowing that Mom, Nikki, and many others are really there.

Knowing Mom is There

Having no one to protect you is one devastating thing about being sexually abused. Molly’s mom was drugged and passed out, and then felt so much guilt that Molly had to protect her. As Gail cuddles Molly in her hospital bed (“My baby girl”), Molly’s little 7-year-old self sits in a chair watching, a contented look on her face. Molly let down her guard, and this is healing, too.

Gail learned, the hard way, how to be there. Her lack of boundaries hasn’t made Molly feel safe. Now, she’s finally not demanding that she be front and center. She sets aside her own needs for her dying daughter and is completely present. “Everything you could say to me, I already know.”

This releases Molly in Dying for Sex, Episode 8, to die peacefully. She doesn’t have to think of her mom first while she’s dying. Beginning with her sexual exploration, finding what she wants with Neighbor Guy, being able to ask for it, Molly can now (more boldly) put herself first.

Because it’s not only about her mom’s guilt. Gail’s guilt made Molly feel wrong for having needs of her own. So, on top of going numb after sexual abuse, Molly couldn’t know what she wants.

Nurse Amy, the hospice/death doula, is a loud voice for permission to “do dying” Molly’s way. Molly can, will, and must decide what Molly wants. And, now, Molly has finally learned to know.

Nurse Amy & Dying for Sex Episode 8

Nurse Amy, the hospice nurse, is the epitome, on steroids, of “it’s not that serious.” Her enthusiasm about dying has everyone, except Molly, who needs to know, scared. It’s TMI for them, plus too much excitement, and Nurse Amy is not in tune with the sadness of their losses.

Sadness is there. In the tears welling up in their eyes, even Molly’s. But Nikki and Gail (and even Nurse Amy, who tones her enthusiasm down) manage not to impose their feelings on Molly.

That’s important. Both sexual abuse and a guilty, self-preoccupied mom force themselves on an innocent child. There’s no space for her or her feelings. That’s why feelings go numb. Now, they all understand this is Molly’s turn. This is the time to give Molly all the space she needs.

Nurse Amy explains the details of how Molly will die, of the death process, so it isn’t a mystery, and she knows what to expect. Molly wants to know. Gail says, “I’m ok if Molly wants to hear.”

Everyone makes space for what Molly wants in Dying for Sex, Episode 8.

It’s healing that her mom can do that. It brings Molly and Gail closer, which Molly always needed, and especially does now. And, Molly’s dying brings other people together, too.

Bringing People Together

Losing someone you love is complicated. Who does Molly want closest to her? Which one is her favorite? Who is “in” and who is “out?” Jealous feelings pit Nikki and Gail against each other.

But Nikki’s possessiveness isn’t just jealousy. She’s angry and protective. Nikki knows how Gail can hurt Molly. Yet, there they are, at the hospital. It’s the end. Molly wants her mom. Nikki steps aside, doing a puzzle in the waiting room, sad and scared. Nikki and Gail need someone, too.

It’s too hard to be alone when you’re losing the person you love the most. That’s the time to have all the support you need and to put aside differences and past grievances. It’s the time for love.

Nikki and Gail let each other in. Gail takes the first step: “Do you want to do your puzzle in here?” Now, they’re in Molly’s hospital room, working on the puzzle together.  Gail lets Nikki show her how to separate the pieces, to make it easier to put them in place. They learn from each other.

Sometimes, when you least expect it, someone has something to give in Dying for Sex, Episode 8.

That’s what happens for Nikki (and Noah) when Gail’s lack of boundaries serves a good purpose this time. (Molly’s right on board.)  Gail gets Noah to come to play music for Molly, so that Nikki isn’t alone after Molly dies. And, Molly insists she’ll haunt Noah if they don’t get back together.

The thing is: Noah wants Nikki, too. He broke up with his rebound woman. Now, can Nikki do what she told him she learned to do, with him? To be with the person she loves to the very end.

Nikki always made space for Molly’s wants. What about her own? Not so well.

It’s Not That (Fucking) Serious

Well, it is serious to lose someone. But to learn to love is different. As Nurse Amy said, there’s “the rally” before the end. And, Molly’s rally is a celebration of her child-self, slapping/pasting photos from her mom’s album all over the walls. Her child-self feels loved and is free. Molly, Nikki, and Gail dance. And then, the rally is over, and Molly is ready to let go. She’s far too tired.

Molly asks for what she wants. A dose of morphine. As Nurse Amy injects the medicine that will help her go peacefully, Molly says, “Hey guys, it’s not that fucking serious. You know how many trips and plans I had to cancel because I was sick? Now I get to take one that’s mine alone.”

For Molly, it isn’t that serious. She’s done what she set out to do. Claimed her voice. Learned what she wants. Fell in love with Neighbor Guy who completely loved her back. And, because she could tell him what she wanted, she had her orgasm with another person. She’s ready.

Nikki says, “I’m so proud of you. I’m so grateful for you.” And, Molly tells her: “You are my favorite person in the whole world.” Nikki smiles and takes it in. She’s no longer her frantic self.

Gail strokes Nikki’s back. Molly holds her 7-year-old self, curled up next to her on the bed in the pink ballet costume she wore on the night she was molested. Gail moves closer, caressing Molly’s pink hair (the color Gail refused to let her have.) They wait, in Dying for Sex, Episode 8.

And then they hear a loud wheezing breath. The one Nurse Amy told them about. Molly’s final one. Nikki holds her hand: “I’m here. I’m here. I’ve got you.” Nikki has transformed.

Nikki Let’s Love In, Too

Molly is gone. Nikki takes her sweater and arranges it under Molly’s chin so her mouth doesn’t stay open, as she promised: “Thank you for not biting me.” She lays her head against Molly.

Nikki, as she said, has learned how to love and be with the person she loves to the very end. It’s time to take that lesson into the rest of her life, and love Noah and his daughter the same way.

Now she can and does. That is Molly’s gift to her, and she’ll have it for the rest of her life.

Nikki’s calmer, more organized, and she can “find things.” There’s no huge bag in which everything is lost. She can now find her real feelings and open up to love in a way that she, too, was scared to do. Different packaging, but not-so-different from her best friend, Molly.

You see, Nikki’s big feelings were burying her real feelings as much as Molly’s numbness. They were an expression of the too-muchness (for her) of her feelings, and fear (like Molly’s) of love.

As Dying for Sex, Episode 8, comes to an end, we see Nikki working on a Shakespeare play, another one of her loves. She’s at a table, directing, recording, looking grown-up, centered, and serene.

When the session is over, she walks outside. Noah and his daughter meet her and apologize for being late. Nikki hugs them both. They are her family now. She turns and sees two elderly women friends, laughing and talking. One mimes a blow job. This brings back memories of the journey she took with Molly. Nikki misses Molly, sighs, settles back into herself, and smiles.