DYING FOR SEX EPISODE 5 MY PET: Molly Lets Down Her Guard with Neighbor Guy (It’s Not Easy…)

Why is it sometimes preferable to have a pet? Dying for Sex Episode 5, My Pet, offers us a good example (as in Molly’s Barking Man/Pet). Pet doesn’t say you’re wrong, violate you, or tell your secrets (namely, Steve, Molly’s abuser, and her mom). Yes, it’s quite difficult for Molly to let her guard down. Yet, when there’s someone who shares his feelings (and cares), maybe Molly can be vulnerable too. For her, surprisingly (and, maybe for us, too?), that’s Neighbor Guy …

Something (Gentle) Molly Asks For

“Kiss my thigh,” Molly tells Neighbor Guy. But it’s not exactly her usual controlling command. It’s a want. A desire. Something that almost makes her cum. But she won’t/ can’t let herself with him. That’s vulnerable. Molly runs fast to her vibrator, suddenly terrified she revealed her chemo port.

But she’s getting closer to tenderness. That could be a scary thing. A not-in-control thing. Yet, they sit together sharing ice cream like lovers/friends. And, they talk. Softly. Gently.

Neighbor Guy says: “And now I’m going to do something that neither of us are supposed to do: talk about feelings.” That’s getting closer to the heart of the matter. Molly is not supposed to feel.

But he tells her the truth about being betrayed by an old girlfriend, fesses up to hurt and loneliness. He asks her, kindly (he’s not a molester or narcissist): “I kissed your thigh. Was that, ok?” Molly smiles ironically/openly: “Yeah.” They both sigh, and Neighbor Guy admits:

“I’ve never done anything like this before and, you know, I love it. I just feel bad that I don’t make you cum. Are you … getting anything out of it?” “Yeah … The way you look at me when I give you exactly what you want. You, uh, look at me like you want me so much …” She smiles softly again.

Neighbor Guy smiles back. Molly, the shyer one. They’ve both been hurt. But Neighbor Guy can still can open up. “I know you do this with other people … the other day I heard someone in here barking like a dog.” “Oh, yeah, I just started seeing him.” “Well, he’s good at it. He’s very realistic.” He’s accepting. That’s not something Molly’s used to (does she like it?) in Dying for Sex Episode 5.

Gentle Leads to Feelings (Too Scary)

Feelings are scary. Neighbor Guy opening up in Dying for Sex Episode 5 is not what Molly was looking for. After all, this was supposed to be about sex. Domination. That’s safer. And, men?

Well, they aren’t usually interested in feelings, especially hers. Take the insensitive Steve. Sexual abusers? No, not them. Not her mom either. All these people are focused on themselves.

Nikki’s different. And, now, Neighbor Guy … he tells her that her eyes are mesmerizing. He sees her. Notices the details. Like the first time she kicked him in the dick, she was gone for a very long time. And then came back, walking with a cane. Gently, caring about her, he asks: “Are you Ok?”

She’s hungry to be seen. Of course, she is. And, Molly wants to be open, too (“Just tell him”), but she can’t. Open is for people who can be vulnerable. And, this amount of getting closer to Neighbor Guy is quite enough for now. Molly shuts down: “I don’t want to talk about it …”

That’s because believing someone cares (or loves her) is a complicated thing. To say the least.

Human Pet is Better Than Feelings

How can you have feelings when you need your mom and she’s never (can’t be) there? Oh, she’ll rush right over. But she’s filled with guilt, wants Molly to make it better, and has no boundaries.

No boundaries at all. We see it loud and clear in Dying for Sex Episode 5. She’s been drug-addicted, chooses the wrong men (AKA the sex abuser), and can’t register that Molly has feelings. No way.

An unattuned mom, when you have big feelings and need her, is a major problem for a child.

So, how can Molly let herself have feelings, especially when she has to call her mom now? There’s no choice. Nikki needs a tooth pulled and can’t take Molly to chemo. Gail (her mom) is the only option. Molly sucks it up, as she always has. (That means “disconnect.”) Sonya watches (in horror) as Molly laughs about her sexual abuser, and calls her mom.

And, tells her she’s dying with no feeling.

At least, no apparent feeling. Molly has a lot of feelings. She just can’t let herself or anyone know. She’d fall apart. It’s all too sad. Getting closer to Neighbor Guy is quite enough for the moment.

A human Pet who barks, wiggles, and waggles his tail, responds to treats and her commands, is preferable. Then she doesn’t have to know that she feels something, wants something, needs something, needed something from her mom, and can’t (and couldn’t) do anything about it.

She does talk sensitively to Pet. And, just as much as Molly isn’t by her mom, he feels taken care of. He, too, gives nothing, doesn’t think about her, and, of course, she asks for nothing in return.

That works for her (sort of.) She’s used to it …

A Mom Who Isn’t Tuned In (At All)

Wanting someone to care isn’t in Molly’s lexicon. She can’t because her mom doesn’t see her need, even when she’s dying of cancer. Talking about all of her dogs as Molly awaits chemo. Or asking her how she feels, telling her she’s going to “beat this,” and offering “home remedies.”

Worse, Gail called Steve, who revealed she’s on some “sex quest.” Even worse, she started a “meal train” with family, Steve, and Steve’s new girlfriend. Gail “told everyone, so you don’t have to,” proud, thinking nothing of putting Molly’s private life on display. Not realizing she kept a photo in a childhood album, taken by Molly’s molester, at a recital the night he molested her.

A tuned-out mom and sexual trauma are at the heart of Molly’s dissociation. It isn’t safe to feel when there is no one keeping you safe. So, Molly doesn’t. But here she is bombarded by people like Steve, “do-gooders” who don’t have a clue in the world what Molly needs. Nor bother to ask.

All of them are stuffing their faces in front of Molly, not considering whether she wants to be alone. Talking about her, as if she isn’t there. Steve saying, “She fought so hard, so brave.” Her mom saying how good Steve was to her. Molly looks incredulous. But. No one notices Molly.

Oh, and Steve (encouraged by Gail) invites his new “girlfriend” in, because he wants to, and she wants to meet Molly. Intrusive people. It’s always been that way. And, now the only person she wants isn’t answering her phone. All of this makes love feel very dangerous.

Molly refuses to be helpless anymore. So … she’ll get provocative. And … she “sics” Pet on them.

It’s self-protection.

Yes, Close is Scary. You Can Get Hurt

Getting close to someone can be scary for many reasons. You can be hurt. We see that in Dying for Sex Episode 5, when the person you need the most (mom) isn’t “there.” And, sometimes, too, you can lose the person you love. And that is not within your control. That’s Nikki, who breaks up with Noah. That way, she takes the loss into her own hands and says: “I don’t care.”

(She does).

Peeing on Pet because he wants it isn’t about closeness either. Her mom walks in. Screams. Gail, the mom who has no filter, the mom who can’t leave well enough alone, asks Pet if he swallowed any pee, because there’s chemo in it. Pet freaks out, thinks his throat’s closing up, now it’s an ER.

Neighbor Guy comes to the rescue and cuts off Pet’s collar with his big pair of scissors. True to form, Molly’s (retaliatory?) mom tells Neighbor Guy Molly peed on Pet right after she had chemo.

“Chemo … like for … cancer?”

Molly stares, hurt, incredulous once again (her mom is worse than ever?) Is this her way of managing her grief? Or retaliation for being left out because Molly didn’t tell her, so she’ll tell everyone else? Gail (Molly’s mom) tells Neighbor Guy: “Yes, chemo, for cancer … Stage 4.”

Neighbor Guy, maybe the only one capable of feeling – and caring – is devastated by the news. Molly tells Pet to “Get Out.” And, gently ushers Neighbor Guy into his apartment, away from Gail.

Telling Secrets Needs to Come from You

Molly has things to say to Gail: “How dare you?” Gail doesn’t get it: “What’s wrong with telling people? Why does everything have to be a secret?” These are Molly’s to tell. Her feelings. Life. Death. Now the secrets she’s kept from Gail come pouring out. Secrets that need to be said.

She thinks it’s her fault, the sexual abuse. Molly saw her abuser put something in her mom’s drink. She liked the attention. Liked that she had something her mom didn’t have.

Her mom, sensitive for the first time in Dying for Sex Episode 5, says: “Honey, is that what you think? That it was you. No, it wasn’t you. It was not you.” That’s right. It’s never a child’s fault.

Molly spills out her resentment. That she had to watch out for her mom, be sure she didn’t kill herself. Gail says, “It was a hard time for me.” Molly corrects her: “It was a hard time for me.”

She asks her mom to leave, but still takes care of her. That’s been her role: “You have a meeting you can go to.” Molly, dying of cancer, can’t turn to her mom. Needing Gail isn’t safe.

Maybe Neighbor Guy is …?

When Closeness Just Might Be Safe …

Neighbor Guy stands at the door to their building. He looks concerned and sad. There’s compassion in his face.  (What she needed more of from Gail.) She tells him the truth about her cancer. The fracture in her hip. All she left unsaid, Molly says now … even the possible “love part.”

“What is this going to be, some tragic love story, we walk through the park … a leaf gets caught in my hair … let’s just call it.” She’ll say goodbye before he does (like Nikki did with Noah).

Neighbor Guy responds: “No, no …” looking speechless but with caring eyes that no one else shows, except Nikki. “No … just keep on kicking me in the dick.” Molly, gratefully: “I can do that.”

Nikki comes in and falls on Molly’s bed, sobbing: “I left Noah, and my mouth hurts.” Now – no secrets left at all – Molly can give back to the one who has given so much to her: “Come here …”

Yes, closeness, with the right people, just might be safe …

Stay tuned for Dying for Sex, Episode 6, Happy Holidays. Please comment. I will respond.