DYING FOR SEX EPISODE 2 MASTURBATION IS IMPORTANT: What Does Molly Want?
Molly said, “No More.” She left Steve in Dying for Sex, Episode 1. That’s the first step. But – it doesn’t answer the question: “What does Molly want?” And, that’s one of the hardest questions for someone scared after sexual abuse and used to shutting down her needs. So, what does Molly want? She doesn’t know. And, masturbation is only a start to finding out, because masturbation is just one path to self-discovery. Plus, the question, “What does Molly want,” isn’t so much about sex; it’s about her whole self. And, as Nikki says, Steve’s been a convenient way of hiding…
Why Molly Hides in Dying for Sex
When you’re scared, you hide. You don’t tell the truth about yourself, you don’t speak up, because you’re afraid of being blamed, told you’re wrong, and abandoned – so you hide from yourself too.
You don’t know what you want, because you’re afraid to let yourself know. No one has ever asked. Or listened. There’s never been a safe place. And no one heard you if you tried to tell them.
We see how Steve argues with Molly, telling her all the things wrong with her decision to leave him. All the things wrong with Nikki, as a caregiver. And, each way that she can’t live without him.
Molly has to fight inside herself, not to give in. Why has Steve been so good at gaslighting her?
Gaslighting & A Critical Voice in Your Head
Gaslighting (yes, that’s what it’s called if someone “knows better” than you) only works if it teams up with your self-doubt, that critical voice in your head, and always thinking you must be wrong.
(No one can make you doubt yourself unless you have a voice in your head that does the same.)
Remember, it’s not just Steve. Sure, it is Steve, but he’s also Molly’s internal voice of warning and fear. That’s why she’s with him. Nikki is messy (oh, that bag!), and Nikki admits she isn’t good at taking care of people (she has ADHD or something like that). But Nikki cares about Molly’s wants.
Let’s not forget what Nikki says in Dying for Sex, Episode 2:
“Don’t go hide and play it safe with Steve. Steve doesn’t care about what you want or who you are, and that’s why you married him. It was chicken shit then and chicken shit now.” There it is. Molly must face the truth about how scared she’s been and what it’s done to her.
She hasn’t been able to break free of that fear, to know what she wants. So, gaslighting works.
But, not so fast. Molly’s finally sick and tired of being restricted and controlled. She’s dying, after all. Isn’t now the time to take a risk she’s never been able to take? The risk to live?
Yes, Molly is pretty mad. Yet, what’s the only way Molly can take that risk? She rebels.
What Does Molly Want? 1st Step = Rebellion
Rebellion is often the first step in not doing what someone else says. Mandates, “have to’s,” the ways you’re told you’re wrong, are killers of any self-confidence for saying, “NO. I don’t want to.”
So, you rebel, like Molly does in Dying for Sex, Episode 2. Masturbation might be important, but she doesn’t get there without a big rebellion against Steve’s restrictions, which are also her own.
She goes on a dating site. Puts her “wants” out there. She’s getting all kinds of responses – one photo of a penis after another. She runs away (after scary news from Dr. P.), rents a lavish hotel room, and tries to invite a man into her room, but that also terrifies her. (We’ll see why.)
So, Molly orders the biggest vibrator she’s ever seen and goes about exploring her wants.
And Steve gets the bills. She can interact with men and their pleasures on screen. But Molly tries to keep her intense satisfaction private. Until she accidentally videotapes herself and is about to go viral (if she doesn’t pay the bribe …)
Molly knows she wants sex, but she has many wants, which will unfold over the next 6 Episodes.
You see, she’s still scared of her feelings. So, for now, she can only let herself know she wants sex.
How Focusing on Sex Fights Off Scary Feelings
Molly wants sex because she’s never had an orgasm with another person. She wants that.
But if sex becomes a preoccupation, not a desire for another person, it can be used to take you far away from your reality and feelings. And, Molly has plenty of reasons not to want to know.
Dying too soon is one reason. So, instead, she is “Dying for Sex” (In Episode 2).
What throws her into “active sexual exploration” (read: Escape)? Her meeting with Dr. P and Nikki. He says that he must put Molly into menopause. She jokes: “I thought the benefit of dying young meant I didn’t have to go through that.” Joking is one way she numbs her feelings.
But when he says that one of the side effects of the drug to put her into menopause is “decreased libido,” it totally freaks her out. Nikki says, “Oh, no, no, no, that goes against Molly’s goals.”
Now, Molly is dissociating again, just as she did when Dr. P told her she was going to die. She can’t hear him. Won’t allow herself to be present. She goes away by thinking to herself: “Just focus on all the dicks,” that are pouring into her inbox. Molly is terrified. But she forces herself to ask:
“When am I going to die?” The 5-year survival rate is only 30%. “So not immediately, but soon.”
This reality throws Molly into active sexual exploration, which isn’t only for her goal of an orgasm with another person. It’s also not to feel or think about dying, which is too scary.
Yet, having an orgasm with another person isn’t so simple. It means the man has pleasure too … But she’ll try to be ok with that, with the man in the taxi, leaving the bar.
Can she?
Why is Masturbation So Important for Molly?
Masturbation is important because Molly isn’t ok with a man’s pleasure yet.
A man’s pleasure takes her right back to her mom’s boyfriend and sexual abuse at age 7. It takes her back to her confused feelings about pleasure (and wants) in general, but mostly her own.
So, masturbation is important. There’s no man involved. Only her pleasure, not his. She can learn about what she wants, without the interference of a man’s needs or seeming demands.
Yes, masturbation puts the focus on her, not him. She isn’t serving anyone but herself. And that is what Molly’s rebellion (and leaving Steve) is all about, in Dying for Sex Episode 2.
Masturbation is the first step to answering the question: What does Molly want?
Stay Tuned for Next Week’s Post: Dying for Sex: Episode 3, Feelings Can Become Amplified.
