DYING FOR SEX EPISODE 1 “GOOD VALUE DIET SODA:” Value of Saying “No More”

Molly’s scared to feel. In Dying for Sex Episode 1, childhood sexual abuse is the reason. But there’s more than being numb to her feelings. She can’t say no or put herself first. Not quite yet. She puts herself aside, caters to the needs of others, is scared of her feelings, and is terrified to speak up. Molly went numb. She had to. That’s part of childhood sexual abuse.

The problem is that this is a “starvation diet” caused by not being seen or heard. And, numbing your feelings means you can’t know who you are. It’s your feelings that take you to the very heart of you.

You can’t help any of this. But it’s never a good thing. Has Molly contributed (she asks herself) to not being seen or letting her husband, Steve, know her? Probably. Is it her fault? No, it’s not.

But, Molly, in Dying for Sex, has been on this kind of diet for far too long. There’s value in finally saying “No More.” But sometimes you can’t do that easily. And, the reasons aren’t readily obvious.

To stop starving, it’s important to understand the “whys” for putting others first.

Putting Others First

Sexual abusers force you to do what they want. They’re bigger. Have more power. Threaten you. That’s scary. There’s no one to protect you. And, you can’t say “No.” You lock up your feelings inside you.

That’s what we see in Molly (Michelle Williams). She’s shut down, numb, and even makes a joke after Dr. Pankowitz (David Rasche) tells her she is dying. She’s never learned (or had any help) to think about herself.  And now she’s angry. Anger is a good thing in Dying for Sex. Anger is a feeling.

Molly’s angry about all her missed chances. Angry that Steve (Jay Duplass) doesn’t want to have sex with her anymore. That he’s focused on caring for her, on his terms. And, especially angry, that he doesn’t even try to see or hear her. Steve “knows best”.

Molly’s gone along with it. Believing he does. Need is a funny thing. It takes hold of you. Makes you twist yourself into shapes that aren’t you. Only a “you” who adapts to the person you need so they won’t leave you, be angry, or tell you how wrong you are – about almost everything (Gaslighting 101).

It hasn’t helped that Molly had cancer. Yes, she needed Steve. (And, it has stifled her). An abused child often needs the abuser, or is frightened to “rock the boat” if the abuser is Mom’s boyfriend or husband. Or, you’re scared to tell anyone because you feel shame, and worry it’s your fault. 

So, here’s Molly. Steve is focused on Steve. Not that he doesn’t love her. But in the complicated dance they’ve done, he doesn’t love her in the way Molly needs. And, she hasn’t known how to speak up. Yet.

Numbing Feelings in Dying for Sex Episode 1

Molly has her reasons for saying “No” to feelings. All abused children do. Feelings are too much when there’s no one to tell, people don’t believe you, or they want you to be “ok.” For them.

And, you want to be “ok,” too. You might tell yourself it’s in the past. Get over it. Don’t talk about it. You’re “fine.” Even when you’re not. Plus, that “No” to feelings is all around. A lot of people can’t deal with feelings. So, they can’t deal with yours.

(Except Nikki.) Thank Goodness for Nikki (Jenny Slate) in Dying for Sex.

Nikki has big feelings. But Molly dissociates, a common trauma reaction. That means she doesn’t know she’s having feelings at all. This is what she says when she tells her best friend Nikki her cancer is back:

“It didn’t even feel real. I couldn’t hear what the doctor was saying. Didn’t even feel sad. I just saw myself as a 7-year-old dancing, and she was being mean to me. She knew what I’d done to my life and that Steve didn’t touch me anymore. Then she got so sad, I’d spent my whole life being scared of what I feel.”

Nikki has the most fitting reaction. She cries. Hard. She sobs and screams. Nikki is Molly’s counterpart, her alter-ego, a part of herself that Molly needs to heal, to wake up her feelings.

Of course, there’s a counter-reaction. The shopkeeper. He yells. Threatens. No big emotional reactions at his storefront. He tries to shut the feelings down. Nikki yells back.

Numbed feelings don’t wake up easily. But it’s not impossible.

Beginning to Wake Up

Nikki is the voice that stands up for feeling. The shopkeeper backs down, cowed for the moment. Just then, Steve, the caretaking martyr, runs out of the hospital and, finding Molly doing “unhealthy things” (drinking Good Value Diet Soda and smoking), scolds her.  But Molly, rebellious now, won’t be stopped.

Her rebellion isn’t about feeling anything yet. But it’s a start. She and Nikki take off in Nikki’s car. It’s Molly’s first small step (but it is a step) in facing those feelings that terrify her.

She won’t talk openly to Nikki, though. And, when Steve shows up at Nikki’s apartment and they go home, she won’t talk to him either. He rants but doesn’t stop to listen. He tells Molly she won’t talk about her trauma, that her cancer re-traumatized her.

Numbly, she says: “My mom’s boyfriend made me give him a blow job when I was seven. There. I talked about it.” Yet, what does it take to process trauma? The series, Dying for Sex, shows us how.

Looking at Steve, Molly silently thinks: “Who are you? Do you know anything about me? Did I do this? Stop you from knowing me?” She did, but again, it’s not her fault. She was a child.

Sexual abuse stopped Molly in her tracks at age seven, from having a voice. From knowing what she wants. Her mother’s boyfriend forced her to give him what he wanted. It was confusing. And, overwhelming. That’s why she went numb.

Numbness is self-protection. So is continuing to cater to others for all these years.

Now, waking up her numbed feelings means: What does Molly want? Not Steve’s wants (“This is not about you,” she yells). Not her mother’s boyfriend’s, either.

Waking up means asking herself: What does Molly want?

What Does Molly Want?

Molly wants sex. She knows she doesn’t like that Steve won’t touch her anymore. That they don’t have sex. She tries. But he can’t and won’t touch her because of the cancer. He pushes her away.

And, she suddenly has a memory, in her 20s, of a young man going down on her; the feeling she had. The pleasure. Molly wants that feeling again. This isn’t about sex. Molly wants to feel something strong. Something pleasurable. A feeling she chooses, not one imposed on her that made her go numb.

It’s about finding her Voice. Finally. A Voice to say what she wants (and doesn’t want.) She doesn’t want to die with Steve. She wants to die with Nikki. And, Molly wants to die with feeling.

Yet, at first, she tries to reject help. “I’m not going to die tomorrow,” she tells Sonya (Esco Jouley), the therapist assigned to her. Sonya wisely and calmly says:

“Palliative care is all about how you want to live with this.” Want. That’s the pivotal word.

And, Molly gets angry again: “I’m too young. I haven’t done anything with my life … I’ve never even had an orgasm with another person, and now I’m going to die.” OK. Here’s a want. It’s a start.

Molly wants an orgasm with another person. Yet, this isn’t a simple thing. It means: No more catering to others. Molly wants sex on her terms (for her pleasure). Not someone else’s.

Yes, this is a start to coming alive to her feelings. Finding her voice. Molly leaves Steve.

Stay tuned for “Dying for Sex, Episode 2: Masturbation is Important” – Thursday, June 5, 2025.