ANORA: Running From Pain

Pain. We see that in Anora, Sean Baker’s raw and brutally poignant new film. Pain. Although Ani, the film’s main character does her best to hide her feelings, mostly from herself, no one becomes addicted to sex (or drugs or alcohol) if they aren’t trying to escape unbearable pain. Ani and Vanya don’t want to face the pain of lovelessness and hunger for love.

If you’ve been traumatized as a child by unreachable, cold parents, you have no choice but to numb your need for love as Ani and Vanya do. You run from it in any way you can. It’s too painful. Too scary to want it, when love isn’t to be trusted or too hard to come by. Yet, that hunger inevitably breaks through, as in Ani and Vanya’s drug-crazed Las Vegas marriage. And, it gets Ani into a terrifying, heartbreaking, and painful situation that might be her salvation.

Coldness: The Harm & Its Self-Protection

Coldness harms children. We don’t know much about Ani’s (Mikey Madison) past. Except that her mom lives in Miami with some man she took up with. And, her sister is aloof. We witness more of Vanya’s (Mark Eydelshteyn) mother’s coldness. Galina Zakharov is harsh, bullish, controlling, and (to say the least) unloving. Vanya’s too scared of her to take his rebellion very far. Too scared of more rejection than he’s already had. He runs harder from reality, and Ani, when Galina arrives.

Coldness hurts. And, when children are hurt, coldness can become a self-protection. A necessary shield around their feelings. Ani isn’t cold. Like many traumatized children, she’s learned to give others (men) what they want (for a price). But she’s cold, to herself. Yes, she stands up for injustice. She’s hardened to what others think, but her “fuck yous” tell her story, in Anora.

Saying No: When It Helps & Doesn’t, in Anora

Ani says “fuck you” to her feelings and to anyone who gets in her way. That latter kind of “no,” has its benefits. You stay behind a wall where no one messes with you, or so you think. Like Ani’s boss. He doesn’t give her the benefits of medical insurance or a retirement plan, so “fuck you,” she’ll take a vacation whenever she pleases. She’s of use to him, so she gets away with it.

But saying “No” to your feelings means you don’t know them very well. You don’t know yourself well enough to know what you want or need or who is good for you. If you know your feelings, those feelings can guide you. When you numb them and they later take over, that can be trouble.

That’s what happens with Ani and Vanya. She can’t see that he’s a child, obsessed with his gaming; and she becomes as much of a game to distract him from his pain, as booze and drugs. And, when he’s caught, yes, he runs as fast as he can away from her. No, Ani isn’t “so lucky,” as it seemed.

Running: Misguided Fantasies of “Freedom”

Freedom is important for everyone. Especially freedom from the effects of trauma. That kind of freedom isn’t easy, though. It takes the right kind of help. As much as you or Ani or Vanya might understandably want to believe you’re free of pain – sex, drugs, alcohol, or fantasies of forever love isn’t the freedom you wish. Running in these ways is a momentary escape.

Freedom, it’s not.

But both our young ones in Anora think they have the (rather euphoric) freedom of doing what they please. It’s a kind of “fuck you” to parents and the past. But there is no freedom from trauma that hasn’t been faced for what it is. Yet, what do you do when there’s no one to turn to? That’s the fate of Ani and Vanya and the other traumatized souls in Anora.

There’s no one to trust.

Hunger: Is It Safe When There’s Been No Love?

Is it surprising that Ani is hungry for love? Probably, she surprises herself. Her hunger has been hidden away, numbed, and sealed off somewhere inside her for a long time, even though she’s still young. When she meets Vanya – at first, it’s just hunger for more money. That’s been her survival.  She sees his obvious wealth  – when she goes to where he lives.

How much can she get? He’s lavish. She’ll take it. And, she rather enjoys this boy’s hunger for her. His inexperience and his wish to have as much of her as he can. She lets down her guard. A little.

Love: It’s Not a Boy’s Game or a Girl’s Fantasy

I call Ani a girl because she’s a child trapped inside a woman’s body, just as Vanya can’t grow up. They are both: Hungry children. Sad children. Lost children. Children – running as fast as they can away from pain, trying not to let it catch up with them. But not seeing what’s in front of her puts Ani at risk.

And, when Vanya wants to marry her in Las Vegas on a drug-blind whirlwind of Las Vegas glamour, Ani’s more than tempted to believe what she never has – that someone might love her. At first, she doesn’t believe him (which would have been wiser).

She has her reasons not to. Her past, plus he’s an impulsive boy, throwing around money and compulsively playing video games. Yet, she hangs on to him, as if for dear life. Love isn’t a game, of course, but when you want to believe something’s real, for the first time in your life, it’s hard to see when love can be trusted (or can’t.)

So, Ani is all in. There’s a 4-carat diamond ring. A shopping spree. A fur coat. And, the elixir of someone calling her his wife. Of belonging to someone. Plus, she now has a wealthy husband, longing to be part of his family. She convinces herself that – of course – they will accept this marriage. It’s 100% legal!

But then, reality hits. The house and all of Vanya’s money are his dad’s and not his. Thugs who work for his father break into the house. Vanya runs. He runs from Ani. She still defends him, though. He’s her husband, after all. She clings to this “reality,” as she’s terrorized by these brutes who are trying to find the vanished Vanya, forcing her to help them, while accusing her of being a prostitute. She’s enraged.

But Ani holds her ground. She has her self-respect. Sort of. She helps men. Doesn’t she?

Kindness: Is It Anywhere in Anora & How To Tell?

Now we’re submerged with Ani in a dark world of cruelty and violence. Anything to find Vanya and whoever, or whatever, is sacrificed is of no consequence. Especially Ani herself. She’s a pawn to find this lost kid, used (and letting herself be used, something she’s always had to justify.) Now, she wants to convince him of their marriage; and herself that she’s lovable.

And, that he didn’t abandon her – like her mother (it seems) has already done. No wonder she had to fend for herself. She screams. Swears. A constant stream of “fuck you” and “mother fuckers,” along with kicking and struggling, but finally giving in to the search. She wants to find him too.

But, when she does, he’s at H-Quarter – her old place of work – having sex with her jealous now- triumphant co-worker. Call that the worst of betrayals. Not the love or husband she imagined.

This is a terrible hurt. But even when she boards the plane with his cruel mother, she tries again. Only to be brutally rejected. Vanya is no help. He’s given in, as controlled by Galina as his father is. And, when his cold mother calls Ani a prostitute, saying she’s not a part of the family and never will be. Ani crumples and goes along to Las Vegas for the divorce.

She’s in a sea of unkind, selfish, power-hungry, and greedy people who will do whatever it takes not to lose their positions and to keep their power. There is only self-interest. No kindness anywhere.

Or is that true? Sometimes there’s kindness where you least expect it.

One of the brutes isn’t such a brute after all. He lives with his grandma, drives her car, has a sensitive gaze that Ani can’t see, and his seeming brutishness is founded on doing what he’s told.

Being Seen: (& Grieving) Brings Real Freedom

That’s Igor (Yuriy Borisov), who tells Ani he wouldn’t rape her because he isn’t a rapist. He longs for love and acceptance as much as Ani does. She’s hard, demeans him, calls his name, Igor, stupid. He says it’s not.

Igor means warrior. And, he likes the name Anora better than Ani (why doesn’t she call herself that?) Anora means honor, light, and grace. Honor. Does this mean he sees her? Maybe he’s the only one who ever has? Even when she doesn’t want to be seen. When she fights him and distrusts him (because Vanya has again “proven” there is no one to trust), Igor’s steady.

His eyes say it all. Igor watches Anora with kind eyes. He fights for her. He knows her pain because it is his own. It hurts to be overlooked and misunderstood. Not to be loved. And, Igor sees.

Where no one else ever has, Igor helps her. He saved the 4-carat diamond ring for Ani to sell. Just don’t let his boss know, he begs her. He can’t show those brutes he’s a kind man.

He does show Anora. So, she gives to him in the only way she knows, with sex. But when he goes to kiss her (tenderness isn’t allowed in the sex-working business), Ani slaps him. Fights him off.

Neither tenderness nor kindness can be trusted. Or, can they? Because, with Igor’s bumbling tenderness, Anora breaks down. She sobs against his chest. He holds her gently and helps her let out all her stored-up grief. Grief she’s never been able to feel. That’s where the film, Anora, ends.

But this is a new beginning for Anora. Feeling your real feelings is where life and healing start.