DYING FOR SEX EPISODE 6 HAPPY HOLIDAYS: Making the Best of It (And Feeling Fear, Sadness, & Finally, Love …)

Molly makes the best of Stage 4 Metastatic cancer in Dying for Sex Episode 6, Happy Holidays. (Of course, the cannabis therapy doesn’t hurt, along with Nikki and Sonya, both high too (at least on celebrating Molly). Her life. Who she is. Partying it up to celebrate the fact she’s still alive, 1 year after being diagnosed. We even see the stiff, previously awkward (well, still a little awkward) Dr. P loosening up. There’s sadness. But isn’t it important to find a way to enjoy life too, after trauma?

Making The Best of a Bad Situation …

There’s no way around it. Stage 4 breast cancer is a bad situation. So is dying too young. And, so is having a mom, ex-husband, and too many people who don’t “get” what you’re going through. Or can’t deal with it, so they think only of themselves. It is good that Molly has Nikki and Sonya.

People who don’t get it tell you the “right” ways to do things … all those “shoulds” or “should nots.” But people who get you help you do it your way, encourage you along, and stick by you. That’s Nikki. And, you know what? That’s Neighbor Guy too. No judgement. He loves it all. (And, her)

There’s no question Nikki loves Molly and vice versa. Open, non-ambivalent, sharing-caring-giving-to-each-other-without-question kind of love. Molly needs Nikki; Nikki’s there. When Nikki needs Molly, anything goes. Nikki sleeps on Molly’s couch. Leaves the apartment when Neighbor Guy shows up for Thanksgiving (and their DSM kind of, safely ambivalent, sex).

It looks like hate?

It’s not. But the fact that Neighbor Guy (a nice guy) shows up, brings her a plant, lets her “hate it,” goes along with the game, gives Molly what she wants and openly wants her, plus is warm to Nikki, goes a long way to bringing out the love side of the love/hate struggle after sexual abuse.

Love isn’t safe after sexual abuse. And, Neighbor Guy lets Molly work out her rage, be the abuser, and learn he is a safe person for her to let go of her block to: an orgasm with another person.

In Dying for Sex Episode 6, she kicks him and then sensually feeds him, from her finger, her 1-year cake. How’s that for making the best of a few bad situations? With a good (Neighbor) guy.

Pleasure is a Trigger in Dying for Sex Episode 6

Pleasure is a trigger after sexual abuse. We see it in Dying for Sex Episode 6. Nikki, in the hallway, Neighbor Guy with his potted-plant gift at the door, tells him: “You make her happy.” You wouldn’t know it (yet); not on the surface. Molly’s letting her guard down more, but this has its risks.

As soon as she feeds him cake, unshackles him (lets go of control), and lets him sit beside her, tells him to lick the cake off her finger, and begins to feel pleasure, the ghost of her abuser shows up.

“No, not you. Not now. Get out; get out.” Ominous music plays. She’s not in the present. Neighbor Guy asks: “Are you ok?” She’s not the dominatrix now. “I got messed with when I was a little kid.”

Neighbor Guy looks at Molly in the most caring way. Molly, in a tender voice, almost whispers: “I’ve never had an orgasm with another person. I’d like to try that with you, if it’s something you’d like to try.” “Yeah. Yes. I don’t know how many times I can say yes without sounding like a creep.”

But that’s about as much soft connection as Molly can handle. In her harsh, demanding voice: “Now go stand against that wall and show me that pink butt of yours. In the corner!”

With her Stage 4 Cancer Support Group, she shares the good news: “I told him I want to cum with him.” Everyone applauds. This is another place where Molly truly gets support for her “wants.”

Safe people and safe places, caring people, help triggers lessen, and memories have less power.

Opening Up Feelings Sexual Abuse Blocks

So, yeah (as Neighbor Guy said), making the best of a bad situation and lessening those triggers means allowing yourself to feel what dissociation from sexual abuse blocked. You can laugh, and joke, and say you’re going to Cum by Christmas (a Hallmark movie) or sing “Coming Around the Mountain.” But really, there is genuine sadness. And, you’re scared.

Sonya says to draw the fear.

Sonya helps the Stage IV group discover where the fear lives in their bodies. (Fear is stored in the body.) For Molly, the body is where her dead feelings went. She reads the story of her sexual abuse to Nikki. Nikki cries. Molly doesn’t. She threw a brush at her abuser, ran out of the bedroom, tried to wake her mom, couldn’t, and went back to apologize for throwing the brush.

She’s been “apologizing” for her feelings ever since. That’s why they’re blocked. Molly believes there is something wrong with her feelings. All of them. That’s: Sadness. Fear. Anger. Pleasure.

No, she’s not “cured” in Dying for Sex, Episode 6, just by telling her story to Nikki (or over and over again). Or by having a fun party. Not even by laughing. Healing means “waking up” your dead feelings.

Sonya helps with the fear. Nikki helps with sadness. Neighbor Guy, with her permission of course, begins to softly touch her thigh, her leg, her foot, her fingertips, her toes. For her. Not for him.

Yes, when she wants him. Yet, when she’s vulnerable, open, feeling her desire, lets him begin to touch her in her most private area, when she starts to feel it, he says: “I love you.” And, Molly dissociates.

That’s what her abuser said. Now his ghost is here. And, Molly isn’t. Molly is the 7-year-old Molly.

Love is The Trigger Word

Neighbor Guy’s “gone.” “Was that weird timing?” He cares about her feelings. Talks to her. But she’s far away. Her abuser haunts her, follows her. Love is the trigger in Dying for Sex, Episode 6.

To her Stage 4 Support Group:

“The first man who said he loved me was my mother’s boyfriend. He made me say it back. I think he knew he was taking away love from me …”

She shuts down again. And, now, she has deep vein thrombosis. Christmas in the hospital instead of an orgasm with another person, loving Neighbor Guy (which she denies and can’t allow), make her do exactly what Nikki did to Noah – turn against love. Nikki’s love, Neighbor Guy’s, her own.

“I don’t want to be happy.”

So, she’s checking herself out of the hospital to go back to sex with strangers. Love is a trigger word for her. It’s the trigger for fear, loneliness, “no one there,” and not trusting the love of your mom.

But running to a cold, insensitive, cruel man, who only thinks of himself, doesn’t care she “can’t feel her hand” and is clearly scared; well, that doesn’t work anymore. Molly’s hard walls are crumbling.

“This feels bad. I don’t want to do this. “Are you fucking serious?” “Yes, I’m so fucking serious.” She apologizes to Nikki. Nikki apologizes to her: “You don’t have to be happy. For me.”

Sad is the right word. And that makes it hard for Molly to let love in, especially when it can’t last.

Molly finally sobs. “It’s been so hard. I’m so sad.” “You’re finally grieving what he did to you.” Molly says, “No, it was me, I tried to hold his hand. He told me to stop being a child.”

Love Is the Healing Word

Molly, as many abused kids do, thinks her feelings, needs, and desires are wrong. That’s why they’ve been blocked. Out of her shame for needing someone, and growing distrustful of love.

She sobs, then laughs. “Why am I laughing?” Nikki: “Just go with it.” Sonya says, “Let all feelings be.”

And so Molly lets love be. Later, Neighbor Guy, still believing he shouldn’t have said he loved her (she disappeared again), sees her on the street. He says hello shyly and starts to walk away. Molly turns to go after him, but suddenly collapses. He runs to her. She tells Neighbor Guy:

“I love you. I think we should just love each other.” He brightens, although worried that she’s lying on the sidewalk: “I love you, of course I love you.” Molly, now free to say “I love you” and mean it and feel it for the first time in her life, keeps saying “I love you. I love you,” over and over again.

Quipping, but not: “I think we have a real future together. I love you,” Molly sounds high. On love?

Yet, it’s not a joke. The future is as long as you have. But real is the pivotal word, and saying it, Molly breathes life into herself, as Neighbor Guy, lying on the sidewalk next to her, calls an ambulance.

Feelings. All those feelings. That’s as real as it gets.

Join me next week for Dying for Sex, Episode 7, You’re Killing Me, Ernie. See you then.