WOMAN OF THE HOUR: Seeing (Or Not Seeing) Red Flags

Who will hurt you the most? That’s the hidden question in Anna Kendrick’s Woman of the Hour.  And, as a woman, how do you tell? It’s by seeing (or not seeing) red flags. Sometimes, you can’t see them when you’re lonely or hungry for attention and love. Other times, when you have reasons not to trust, you are hyper-alert to any possible red flags; even when they aren’t there. Sheryl Bradshaw’s distrust saved her from Rodney Alcala. Many other women weren’t so lucky.

Seeing (Or Not Seeing) Red Flags in Woman of the Hour

Red flags are warning signals of danger ahead. They’re like “stop” signs, there to protect you. You can learn to use them for self-protection if you pay close attention to any red flags you see.

But do you notice them? More importantly, do you take them seriously, or overlook them?

In Woman of the Hour, Rodney Alcala (played by Daniel Zovatto) exuded many of those red flags. Most of the women he encountered didn’t see them. Sheryl Bradshaw (Anna Kendrick) did, which saved her. Yet her encounter with him was a close call. Most often, you won’t come in contact with a serial killer. But there are dangerous situations out there, and, as a woman, you need to know how to protect yourself. So, let’s look at some of the red flags in Woman of the Hour.

You’ve probably heard a lot about those charming, smooth-talking narcissists who quickly come on too strong and are so, so complimentary. If you haven’t, this is information you need to know.

But maybe you’ve encountered one or two who have drawn you in with their “love-bombing.” It’s enticing but these men are emotionally dangerous. Once they hook you, they gaslight you in increasingly cruel and controlling ways. Love bombing is a major red flag that’s important to see.

Rodney Alcala was like that, but even worse. Yes, he’s a narcissistic charmer out for himself. But he’s not only emotionally threatening, he’s physically perilous. Here is another red flag: Watch out for a stranger who asks to photograph you for a notable magazine contest for which you are the “perfect” subject. And who wants to take you into a remote area for those photos … Alone.

Do you notice these kinds of red flags? If not, what is it that makes you miss them?

Childhood Trauma & Wanting to be Woman of the Hour

Childhood trauma could cause you, or anyone so traumatized, to miss a red flag. Were you love-starved as a child? Did you (do you still) long to feel special, hoping to catch that “prize of love?”

Every child needs to feel wanted and loved. If you didn’t, you might “look for love in all the wrong places.” Meaning that you are especially vulnerable to a love-bombing narcissistic man.

Both the allure and the problem of narcissistic men are that they can make you feel incredibly special. That is … until they don’t. And, what you don’t and can’t see – is that it’s not about you at all. It’s their specialness they want mirrored in your eyes. Yet, you certainly feel special at first.

Love bombing can make you punch drunk with the feeling you are that woman: Woman of the Hour. That must have been the case for 16-year-old runaway, Amy (Autumn Best) with nowhere to go, when Rodney kept telling her how beautiful she was and begged to photograph her.

After happily riding out to a beautiful but remote area, he brutally beat and raped her. Amy, street-cunning and trauma-wise, “blamed herself” when he cried, apologizing for “making him do it.” He didn’t kill her. She escaped and called the police when he stopped at a gas station to pee.

She didn’t escape terror and trauma. And he was not charged; on the loose again.

To be Woman of the Hour was the point of The Dating Game, too. Making a woman feel that lucky. You’ve been chosen, will choose your date, and maybe even find love (or fame.)

What could be better?

The Dating Game & Winning The “Prize of Love”

The “Prize of Love.” Most of us want it. Winning that prize was the glamour of the Dating Game.

Yet, the love of a man wasn’t Sheryl Bradshaw’s motive. That saved her.  She worked hard to get parts in films, running lines with her neighbor and fellow actor, Terry (Pete Holmes.) Terry helped her, supported her, and wanted more than a friendship. But Sheryl didn’t trust any man, it seems. She had one goal as an aspiring actress: the “love” of being noticed by directors and producers.

That’s why Sheryl went on the Dating Game: for that special something Hollywood can sometimes provide. It was her agent’s idea, and not a bad one since many notable actors first got noticed on the Dating Game, way back when. Sheryl was sort of convinced. Just not at the cost of a predator.

Sheryl Bradshaw went all out, asking bold questions of her three bachelors. She talked to the make-up artists, what did she have to lose? After all, she didn’t trust men. She put those guys on the spot.

Unfortunately, her questions didn’t alert her to the real danger of one of the Bachelors, Rodney Alcala. She weeded out the chauvinism and insensitivities. But Rodney was smooth. Had all the “right answers.” Sheryl chose him. But out for coffee after the show, she sensed red flags and said “No” to the date. He got aggressive: “You’d get your head bashed in,” and tried to grab her. Terrified, she made it to her car. And then, she ran from LA, giving up on any career in Hollywood.

The “Benefits” of Not Trusting Easily

There are benefits to not trusting easily. If you’ve had childhood trauma and reasons not to trust love, you might be hyperalert for any “sign” someone could hurt you. Sheryl was. That saved her.

In fact, Sheryl was so wary of men that she bailed on her friend Terry, who seemed like a nice guy, a good friend. He cared for her career, but she couldn’t let him close when he showed an interest.

Being hyper-alert is one symptom of PTSD. We see it in Sheryl. Someone must have already hurt and scared her. You don’t shut people out without a reason. Sheryl kept her distance. Didn’t get close. She refused to. Sheryl trusted her agent, but she didn’t trust men. She rejected Terry.

We don’t know why she couldn’t trust him, but her eyes were open for possible hurt. Yet, even Sheryl almost missed a red flag with Rodney and ended up more traumatized than she already was.

The effects of childhood trauma on later love are complicated. One is keeping your distance, not letting anyone close, and thinking you see signs that make you distrust. Another is insecurity and a critical voice in your head that makes you fall for the “reassuring” charm of a narcissist.

Missing Red Flags, Trauma, & PTSD

Sometimes the need for love, the hunger for it, especially if you were deprived in childhood, overshadows your better instincts. You unconsciously deny that someone could be that dangerous.

That’s what happened to Laura’s (Nicolette Robinson) friend, Alison. She was raped and killed by Rodney Alcala. Laura left her with him, also not seeing danger. Laura has lived with that guilt.

She is in the audience of the Dating Game with her boyfriend, Ken (Max Lloyd-Jones), when Rodney Alcala shows up as Bachelor #3. Laura’s reaction to recognizing her friend’s murderer is the picture of PTSD. Her body shakes uncontrollably, and she frantically runs out to find someone to warn about Bachelor #3 not to allow another woman to be murdered. (Rodney wasn’t charged, but she’s clear it’s him.) Typical of what many women suffer, Ken doesn’t believe her and tries to talk her out of it: “Don’t they vet? How would he show up on The Dating Game if that’s true?”

But it is true. She’s right, and they fight. Laura leaves, trying to alert a producer who doesn’t show up. Later, Ken apologizes and goes with her to the police. Women need to be taken seriously.

Boundaries & Self-Protections

As a woman, you need to know your boundaries and how to protect yourself. If you were traumatized as a child, there were no appropriate boundaries. You weren’t taught to hold your own.

This can make you miss red flags. Boundaries protect you. Knowing how and when to say “No” is major. Don’t feel guilty if something is uncomfortable for you. Watch out if you’re being flattered and seduced by a charming, sly narcissist to give him what he wants. Keep your eyes open for gaslighting. If someone makes you feel “bad” or wrong, run fast in the other direction.

And, NEVER go into a remote area alone with a stranger.